I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
