k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
