he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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