I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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