dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize