His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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