Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Screwed.edu
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
