Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
