I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
