He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
