If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
