Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
