Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
