When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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