I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
