Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
