Just cropdusted the office
i can't believe i had my finger in that
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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