I feel like abortions should bother me more
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
