Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
