Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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