It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
