shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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