capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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