please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
