census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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