ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
