Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
