Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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