alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
