Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
