Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
