I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
