if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
