Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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