Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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