Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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