I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pooping to opera.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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