Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
BRING THE BAGELS
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize