Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
