My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
