I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize