so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love you. Go after that dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
