He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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