I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
