I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
