Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
