Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
