My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
