I want to stick my p in your. b.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
