As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
