I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
