It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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