So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
