the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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