I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize