obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
