she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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