Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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