You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize