Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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