mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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