wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
