those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
