Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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