talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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