Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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