Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
