I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Boobs speak an international language.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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