it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
