Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
