I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
