If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
