My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
