Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
