Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize