I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
