Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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