I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
