Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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