last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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