I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
