Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
