Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I deserve this hangover.
that is very illegal...i love you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
