If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
