I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize