Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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