I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
