why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
