Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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