When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
