i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
