he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
