Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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