It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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