come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
