i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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