dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I believe in your delicious
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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