there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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