I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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