This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
