I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
