So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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