at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
