**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
