I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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